as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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