I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
