just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
there is glitter all over my balls
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