I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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