I'm gonna have a badass scar
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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