so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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