He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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