I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
