Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
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