Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
