are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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