Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
