I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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