my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
