I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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