I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
