Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
