Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
