There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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