I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
she told me i tasted like america
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
