K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
