You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
