oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize