Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
