Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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