I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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