last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
