How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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