You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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