apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I take back everything I said about communal showers
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
