I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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