At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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