if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
