on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
