You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
