I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
