What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
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