he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
