YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
