New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
