so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
