Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
