I skipped work to stalk him.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
