I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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