so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
