the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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