So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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