oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
You don't make any sense
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