Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
