Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
