Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize