Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize