cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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