I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Let's paint friendship bongs
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
