i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
