You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
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