This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
