he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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