i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
