Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
