Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize