It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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